Ask Ayesha: Dealing with a Nightmare Bridesmaid!

Happy Monday lovely brides! We are back with another Ask Ayesha segment, and this one is quite a drama-filled dilemma!

Hear what Ayesha advises is the best way to handle a bridesmaid who has decided that your wedding is not about you, but about HER!

  Jared and Katie in the Morning at 

Can't listen? A recap for busy ears:

You've been friends since high school, known each other for forever, and have asked her to kindly be a bridesmaid in your wedding. She says yes, but to your shock and dismay has begun trying to upstage you! She talks about HER potential engagement all the time, and has even talked about you behind your back (going so far as to insult your engagement ring - what?!) What do you do?!

Alright lovelies, we have to ask you the hard question: were you aware of this friends potential for selfishness? Did you put this friend in out of a sense of obligation? If not, then we are as shocked as you are. But if so... well, sadly, some of this falls on you. 

Never, ever, ever select someone to be in your wedding out of obligation! This is a sacred time in your life, and it should be shared with people who are 100% willing to support your union. Don't look back and regret your choices on who stood beside you on such an important day.

But what do you do about said bridesmaid? How do you handle her? Well, etiquette-wise, the kindest thing to do is smile and nod when she talks, and do your best to change the subject when she is taking the focus off of you. This bridesmaid now has only one job - show up on time in the right dress. 

What if this is completely unexpected, and the friend has simply turned from sweet to bridesmaid-zilla? Can you remove them as a bridesmaid?

It varies based on the circumstances. More often than not, it's not encouraged to remove someone from your bridal party once they've been asked. It is your wedding though, and if a bridesmaid has become a totally different person and no longer supports you as a friend or bride, then it might be time to have that tough conversation. Yeah, it's going to be really awkward, and you may even lose a friendship over it. But perhaps it's for the best, and if you as the bride are happier for it, perhaps it needs to be done!

If you really want to avoid a situation like this one, take a moment to review the bridesmaid selections you have made before asking them, and ask yourself, "Will these people be by my side in ten years? Fifteen years? Will I still want them in my photos 20 years from now?" Don't let your wedding take on a life of its own - it should be a part of both you and your groom, and the union you are making. 

Do you have any etiquette questions you've been dying to ask? Leave them in the comments below and we'll answer them in a future blog post. Happy Wedding Planning!

About Ayesha:

  Ayesha Oglesby of Lofts at Union Square. Expert wedding advice giver for TriadWeddings.

For over 14 years Ayesha Oglesby has been helping Triad brides plan their special day and has overseen over 700 weddings. Event manager for The Lofts at Union Square in High Point, Ayesha believes that every bride is special, every budget is workable, and every wedding is beautiful.

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